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Quote of the day: "102.1 Harmison to Ponting, no run, wide and Ponting has to stretch to reach it. "Harmison couldn't hit an elephant from 20 paces?" was Jeff Thomson's assessment earlier. Guess it depends on the size of the elephant." - baggygreen.com

Mediated - November 2006

School Wars 2: Attack of the Drones

New South Wales: The schools are embroiled in controversy again. This time, however, it's the DEET being complained about!

The Federal Government is outraged that schools are using children as young as five to distrubute "political propaganda" against the controversial WorkChoice Laws.

The material, prepared by the NSW Teachers' Federation entitled: 'A message from teachers to parents about your child's rights in the workplace' has been widely distributed before todays expected strike over their decreasing rights.

"This is the sort of stunt that is turning parents and students away from public schools," Nationals MP Melinda Pavey said, "First it's handing out political propaganga, then it's armed children political forces, then it's a new wave of terrorists. Instead the posh kids just make annacondas and work at their father's business. Model citizens."


Melida's son, Pompus Paveny Esquire the 22nd Junior of Hubriswich, known to his sole mate as Pompey and student at a GPS school reflected his mother's sentiments, "Oh yes of course! We'll all go smash the oinks! Hurrah! Hurrah!" Apparently this model citizen responds that way to any question.

Workplace Relations Minister Kevin Andrews added, "This anti-WorkChoices pamphlet, which is being distributed to schools in NSW... is clearly inappropriate material to be given to children as young as in kingergarten or Grade 1."

When asked why the age of a student taking home a pamphlet for their parents should matter, Andrews replied, "Well...um... I guess there's a high propensity that their parents would be younger and more likely to strike. Or the kid could be a prodigy and we'll lose him to Labor."

Disgruntled parent Mary, mother of Josh 6, welcomes these changes, "I am so sick of the school handing out picture versions of the school news letter to parents of infants aged students. School carnivals are labelled, 'when the little hand is on the 8 and the big hand is on the 6 is running time!' It's insulting."


Ultimately on this day of shenanigans the one moment of sanity came from the Australian Education Union Secretary Allan Perrin, "Clearly, the inconvenience that's caused by a two-hour delay at a school is far less than the inconvenience caused when all the worker's rights have been changed in the workplace and their children won't have the protection that we have now."
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Which Bank? The Witch Bank!

Canberra: Prime Minister Howard has today labelled the unions concerns a 'beat up.'

The beat up doesn't refer to the AWB finally accepting the commision reccomendations and splitting the business in a 'clean up'.

Nor to Australian Education Minister Julie Bishop's inability to pass a civics question now dubbed 'two-up'.

Or even the search for weapons of mass distruction in Iraq, they were a 'lead up'.

Rather Howard's comments were in response to the Commonwealth Bank implementing AWAs to its staff capitalising on the governments new IR laws.

Despite conditions such as rostered days off, overtime pay, shift allowance, leave loading, meal expenses, telephone allowances and relocation expenses being ditched; Howard insists the changes are an improvement as "it makes changes to the hours of work to increase the ability of provide for customer needs, including opening branches on the weekends."

However union officials are concerned that these new agreements will result in requiring "staff to work anywhere at any time the bank wishes, seven days a week."

Howard rejects these claims citing, "There's only a couple of Commonwealth Bank branches left open, so its not like they can relocate people that much."

It is rumoured that staff are most concerned with the new 'bend over' clause in their contract, stating at any time on Commonwealth property a sub-ordinate staff member must stop working, bend over, and allow a superior staff member to kick them up the bum.

The Bank has labelled this as an 'incentive' to allow more senior members an outlet to vent their frustrations at their quickly diminshing work rights.

"In addition it provides a great motivation to climb the corporate ladder." One branch manager jovially added.

Office Junoir Steve, is considering legal action after developing RSI in his right cheek.
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Talking about Terrorist is too terrifying

NSW: A political furor is in place after the Department of Education pulled a simulation exercise, whereby students played key figures in the Middle Eastern Crisis. The activity, designed by Macquarie Universities Andrew Vincent, has been accused of unjust bias and is feared to have the potential to cite greater racial distrust.

Documents never seen by Mediated.com.au show that the background notes on key terrorist groups gave position descriptions. Shameful!

"The profile of Hezbollah accurately said that its long-term aims were to rid Palestine of the Jewish population and create an Arab state but no mention was made of its terrorist activities, only philanthropic ones." Said one concerned parent. "Even profiles of leaders are biased, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad was given a goal of bringing the internet to Syria."

"This is shocking," chirpped another well to do North Shore parent, "These are terrorist nations and should be known as such. The elected government is not interested in its own people, only destablising other nations in the west." Mediated.com.au was inclined to disagree until reflecting on the recent activities in Australia and the United States.

Asked why the high school simulation stopped this year, Andrew Vincent could only reply, "The allegation was made the we were training terrorists."

The principal of Killara school was quick to add, "Well yes that, and your making Arabs seem sympathetic, there were also number syntax, spelling and gramatical errors, and you smell like cheese."

In light of this controversy the Australian Government has introduced a compromise based on the exceptionally popular 'axis of evil cards' employed during the invasion of Iraq.

"Lets just keep it as simple as these cards here. Hey look, ace of spades, that's Shiek Ahmed Yassin, previous leader of Hamas. Description says, Terrorist: Very bad man. And here's another Jack of Hearts, that's Sadam Hussein, previous leader of Iraq. Description says, Terrorist: Very bad man. One more now, 2 of clubs, that's George Bush, current leader of Iraq. Description says: Freedom Fighter: Brilliant Individual striving for world peace despite his moderate intelligence. Provides the world with love, laughs and puppies. #4 on the list of world's most influential people."

Julie Bishop, the Minister for Education is excited at this simplified version of history.
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Australia moves to finals of xenophobic idol...

Not bad for a non-Aussie


Sydney: The result of a far lesser competition, Australian Idol, has caused public outcry and catapaulted Australia's standings in the much revered Xenophobic Idol as judged by the United Nations


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Liberals reveal their 'exit' plan

Canberra: Following the monumental 'flip flop' of the Bush presidency, and Tony Blair discussing withdrawal plans of British troups from Iraq, the Australian Liberal Party has garned the pre-requisite courage to unveil their own 'exit plan.'

"We're going to ignore Howard." Peter Debnam said.
He who doesn't laugh last...

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Once in a while true brilliance comes along...

And this ladies and gentlemen is it...

Being an editor I found this on the Australian screeneditors forum where they are talking about the power of editing


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He's a doctor... And a Ninja! What're the best comics on the internet?

If I could draw, I'd be a webcomic artist.

However I can't draw, so instead I spend my time admiring webcomic artists. Yet what I've come to notice is that the style of comics people respond to are quite varied and highly subjective


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How does one chase "The Chaser's War on Everything"

It's a slow news day, so mediated.com.au is taking a break from its usual mischief to analyse the DVD release of the best in the industry, 'The Chaser's War on Everything.'

My wife knows that I'm a huge Chaser fan, I've read their magazine since 2001, watched their TV series and was distraught when their stage show 'Cirque du Chaser' was on during my politics exams. So I was a very happy camper when she unveiled this DVD for my birthday earlier this month


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Just a quick bit of fun...



Just a quick bit of fun. I actually found this video by clicking on of the advertisments on my site. Its nice to know I have a quasi useful ad every now and again


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Mayor hands out free Viagra

Brazil: In the sleep Brazillian town of Novo Santo Antonia the elderly men are acting as though its daylight savings.

This is not a case of insomniac bears, crazy weather or the war on terror. This is a story of compassion and appreciation


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Uni Students Caught Out Cheating - So what else is new?

Sydney: Figures have been released today which suggest that universities are facing an explosion of plagiarism and cheating in exams.

It is estimated almost 3500 students have been caught cheating across Sydney's 8 major campuses since 2001


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APEC, North Korea and flurescent pyjamas.

Vietnam: Today Asian-Pacific economic leaders sent a strong warning to Kim Jong Il's North Korea deterring future nuclear testing.

"Nuclear weapons are bad. McKay? We don't need this kind of tension in our region, especially with Fiji and Tonga in civil strife, non-existant Kyoto protocol agreements, Bush losing control of both houses, my industrial relations laws, Mutto getting voted out of Idol, Bert Newtown still being on TV and Blair admitting that Iraq is disastrous, give the media some good news." Howard pleaded


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Buy a gun day tomorrow! Everyone join the paranoia!

Washington DC: A Shooters Rights group, The Coalition of Law Abiding Sporting Shooters Less Everyone Shoots Sadam (CLASSLESS) has urged governments to consider tomorrow, International Buy a Gun Day.

President of Classless, Peter Whelan, believes that owning a gun teaches responcibility and teaches valuable life skills, most notably how to snuff life out


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Global Warming takes another toll - Insomniac Bears!

[Editorial - I love it when the news is so bizarre I don't need to do anything to it, so enjoy]

Moscow: Insomniac bears are running havoc in the forests of southwestern Siberia, scaring locals and damaging property


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NSW power broking is gonna Costa!

Sydney: Phillip Higginson, former long term chairman of the stateowned electricity company Transgrid, has accused NSW Treasurer Michael Costa of sacking him because he didn't appoint the friend of a "union mate."

He claims Mr Costa, "held a gun to my head, and said, I'll sack you if you don't put Bernie's mate on the board." Bernie being Bernie Riordan, NSW Labor president


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Do you think he's overcompensating for something?

Rome: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes appear set to tie the knot on November the 18th.

The Hollywood couple have spared no expense in the preparations of the wedding, hiring a 15th Century castle, designing outfits by Armani and having blind tennor Andrea Bocelli performing at the event


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More Snakes on the Nullabor Plain! Man waves his snake at police.

Northern Terrirtory: Move over Borat, if you wish to have cultural learnings in Australia you'll need to do alot more than wear cricket pads and hug a wallaby.

Borat Happy Time
Constable Howe and another constable were attacked by a man and his snake in the red hot north on the weekend


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PM to relax new IR laws - Fears of unfair dismissal

Canberra: Workplace relations minister Kevin Andrews has announced a new package of ammendments to the government's controversial IR legislation, just one day before a High Court decision determining the legality of the industrial relations changes.

The two headline changes to the IR legislation involve the reinstituted ability to cash out sick leave or carers' leave and employers newfound power to cashout sick workers


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Lest we have forgotten...

I used to be a typical Aussie student, interested in girls, not interested in supperannuation. Interested in soccer, definitely not interested in history.

I remember my history teaching banging his head against a brick wall as he tried to impart valuable information of the ages on this hormone infested blob, seldom sucessfully


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George Bush's Last week - as performed by a Bear and a Cougar



I realise it's slightly old news. But I found this video and thought it summed up Nov7 rather well indeed. If only I can find a similar video with a donkey and an elephant


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The Roof, The Roof, The Roof is on fire - Audit of Australian Classrooms!

Victoria: An audit of 330 state schools has revealed that three out of four schools require urgent maintanence and were seriously understaffed.

One school was highlighted due to its bowing roof and flooded school hall. "Of course our school sucks," one of its students said, "we had a massive party there the weekend before the inspectors came


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Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Where does the brilliance of Kauffman stop?

There are very few individuals who'd I'd describe as an exemplar of their industry. Infact, exclusivity would have to be a pre-requisite of the definition. From my heavily sheltered computer desk I can count the number of exemplars in any industry on two hands.

Don Bradman would be high on the list, the world's greatest cricketer by the majority of accounts and arguably the most dominant individual in any sporting discipline


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Rumsfeld Rumminations

Washington DC: It's official, after the war in Afghanistan, the ongoing war in Iraq, the overseeing of Guantanamo Bay Jail and the horrific events at Aby Ghraib, it was merely a mid-term election that saw Donald Rumsfeld up and packing out of the whitehouse.

During his farewell press announcement, the multi-millionare Rumsfeld made no apologies for the violence in Iraq, after all, "Stuff happens... it's untidy, and freedom's untidy, and free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things (1


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Melbourne Cup is the latest of Aussie produce to head overseas.

Melbourne: Nippon was the word on the town as the Japanese cleaned up the Melbourne Cup with a magnificent quinella.

Delta Blue and Pop Rock thrilled spectators with a neck and neck finish, but ultimately the result didn't matter. The Japanese were taking the cup overseas for the first time in four years


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Stem cell Bill looks set to pass - Begun the clone wars have!

Today witnessed the initial concscience vote on the future of stem cell research pass 34 to 31 in the Senate.

The Bill, by former health minister Kay Patterson, put forward the potential use of cloned embryo's with afflicted patients cells to find tailored cures. Debate was furious and politicians were divided evenly on the issue


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Howard goes banannas over... banannas

Northern Queensland: Australia looks set for another 'yellow' drought with inflated bananna prices over the Christmas period. The Australian Bananna Pickers Industy is no longer blaming Cyclone Larry, instead their gaze is aimed firmly at the federal government.

"The crisis point has yet to come, normally we have a good hundred refugees land in Cairns next week on the 'Shady Bob's luxury sinking dash to freedom boat', however Howard's stopped them getting into the country


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Saddam Hussein's Verdict is Out!

Judge Rauf Abdel Rahman took less than 5 minutes to hand down his verdict on ousted Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein.

The former leader dressed in his rented brown suit maintained his usual rage at proceedings, refusing to stand up for the verdict. Forced to his feet by offcamera military guards


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The Sacred Art of Flashing: Now from the comfort of home

This may sound a touch out of left wing, but I've always reserved a slightly soft spot for the humble flasher. Obviously I'm not referring to those who wait around schoolyards and require serious therapy. But instead I'm raising up the sporting streaker, or the nuddy political protester, those who perform their acts of public nudity in an adult forum and only require moderate therapy. These are the people I'd like to have a good chat with over a beer and pick their brain.

It's a shame that Australia, it appears, dissagrees vehremently with me. Bodies are shameful inventions, to be covered up or banned from sporting venues, unless advertising dove soap or Coke. As such, everytime someone decides to share their birthday suit with the SCG, the television companies pull out to a long shot and burly security guards can relive their former rugby union glory; set loose on the happless naked individual


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Juan Mann - One Mission - Free Hugs

The power of the media never fails to impress me. It was over 2 years ago when I first heard about Juan. He was the new mate of Bojan, a close friend of mine. Bojan's new mate had gotten him into walking around the city holding up signs with 'Free Hugs' printed on them. This sounded like a crazy idea, so I decided to go and check it out.
What I saw was nothing short of amazing. The majority of the time was exactly like what you'd expect, odd looks, parents sheltering kids, occasional abuse. However every so often, someones face would light up as they accepted something for free. A hug.

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What's the posting secret to success on Orble?

What's the secret to success on Orble?

Advertising


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Buying a Video Recorder - What you need to know

Buying a camcorder is a tricky business. Afterall this is an item of mechanics that you are going to trust your precious home videos and memories with. As such it often surprises me how many people just buy the cheapest model, or buy the 'latest one' without understand what makes it worthwhile.

For the professional/prosumer market there is an inundation of choice, and generally if you are looking at these models you should already know what you are after. For the average Mum and Dad consumer, however, the electronics landscape can appear vast. Consider this your map


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Would you like fries with that?

In my defence it was an abnormal day. I usually make sure that I eat well, and if I fail then my spousal safety net works amazingly efficiently.

The previous Thursday, however, was a day that would double my average fat consumption on its own. I was shopping in Chatswood, and as people tend to do whilst shopping, I ate out. I am reticent to admit that it was at KFC, however I like to have that nostaglia trip every now and again


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Title: My name is Earl. My moustaches name is Mo.

I really look forward to Thursday evenings, for me its the Oscar night of television lineups. My name is Earl kicks off a great night of laughs, Family Guy never dissapoints, Australian Celebrity Survivor is laughable. All up its an entertaining Thursday night that sends me to bed happy and ready to deal with Friday.

Recently, I bought the season DVD of My Name Is Earl. Quite a tribute really . A larger tribute is that it only took me three days to watch the entire season. What ever shall I do without Earl


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