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Quote of the day: "102.1 Harmison to Ponting, no run, wide and Ponting has to stretch to reach it. "Harmison couldn't hit an elephant from 20 paces?" was Jeff Thomson's assessment earlier. Guess it depends on the size of the elephant." - baggygreen.com

Mediated - December 2006

The random news story for December

[Editorial] When a newspaper article 'No sex please we're Korean' includes the quotation : "Do they really think men buy sex every time they have a dinner party?" The temptation to include it is just far to great.

I'm a touch cautious about milking this for all its worth, especially in light of the recent fiasco. However South Korea deserves it's place in the limelight for it's current iniative.

You can either read the article above or get the headlines here. In Korea there is a corporate culture of getting absolutely smashed, then hiring "escorts" to finish off the night.


To quote the Korean government, "Korean corporate culture that includes heavy drinking is also what makes buying sex acceptable as a way for male-bonding, which is proving to be a hard-to-break ritual."

Male Bonding?

Previously I found fishing to be a good way of bonding with my mates. Even just catching up over coffee.

The square limitations of 'male bonding' in my mind extend to the mateship exerted in the football team, however I've never feel confortable partaking.

It makes you wonder what employee benefits one could barter under a AWA in South Korea.

"Yes I'd like to wage sacrifice half my salary if you get rid of net nanny on my laptop."

I find it curious that this 'bonding activity' is attributed to alcohol. There is obviously a niche market that kebab stores have yet to penetrate.

The piece-du-resistance, however, is the government's highly original carrot designed to lure lusty men away from drunken orgies back to their loving family and wives.

For each individual who is willing to renounce his male-bonding -- have a healthy night out -- and recommend it to his friends -- the government is willing to offer -- the hefty -- glorious -- chastity ridden prize of ---


2 Movie Tickets.

I'm never sitting in the back row of a South Korean cinema.
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'ASIO officers are just like you.'

Canberra: The government has spent a reported 1 million dollars in advertising for the recent secret services recruit campaign. The drive, motivated by the growth of Chinese spies, features the image of a shoe, followed by the caption: "To you, this is just a shoe. To an ASIO surveillance officer, it's still just a shoe. ASIO officers are just like you."

Mediated.com.au would like to argue nothing can be further from the truth. ASIO officers are not allowed to carry weapons, unlike anyone over 18 in Australia.

Furthermore, less than 1% of ASIO employees are from an Arabic background.

The Australian government recognises the dire need for spies from native backgrounds. With the global focus fixed to the middle east, the agency dominance of anglo-saxon males is proving far less than optimum.

Suprisingly (to only Federal Attorney-General Phillip Ruddock), despite the proliferation of foreign-language speakers in Australian socienty, ASIO is struggling to recuit Arab speakers to "operate inside the Muslim community and better monitor the terrorist threat inside Australia."

Many potential recruits are applying from Christmas Island, however, due to the Pacific Solution they are not considered Australian citizens thus inelligible for the position.

Ruddock appears to be staying his ground with his previous racist policies as Minister of Immigration, "The Government is committed to appropriately resourcing our intelligence agencies ... (from) a range of experience and backgrounds."

"However, anybody whose background includes unlawful conduct need not apply. This includes illegal immigration. Despite the fact you were genuinely running away from poverty or political assasination. And in order to incure the ire of a government you probably have to be a liberal intelligent individual. Potentially valuable in Australian society. Quite adapt for the role required really. But unlawful nonetheless."

Anglo-Saxon experts based in their ivory tower at Canberra are baffled as to why they are struggling to find the Arab speaking candicy required. Even more baffling is a Washington Post report suggesting the USA is experiencing similar problems with this demographic. Not a single bi-lingual Arabic agent is working in the section of the beaureu that investigates international terrorism!

Confused commentators have been quick to suggest that perhaps these nations overt vilification of Muslim people and values could result in the poor employment drive. However, this has been denied as "vague speculation" or "terror sympathising".

Thus, under the threat of ASIO imprisonment for 14 days without charge, the media has piped down and sat back to accept the race intollerance evident in the governments policies.

Much like the rest of Australia.

Perhaps we're not so different indeed.
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Today's short odds: Harry Potter suicide 6-1 down from 10-1

London: In a strange spate of affairs, J K Rowling's publishes has proven punters will bet on anything by taking bets on which wizard shall claim Harry Potter's illustrious scalp in the final novel Harry Potter and the Deathly Harrows.

In a stranger set of affairs, the quickest odds to fall are on Harry Potter killing himself, dropping from 10-1 to 6-1 in a matter of days. Lord Voldemort is the red hot favourite at 4-5.

"I'm glad to be rated so well, after all I've spent the better part of 6 years attempting to kill Potter, finally my uppance shall come," A jubilant Voldemort said after hearing of his favouritism in the TAB.

Many are quick to dispute the basis for such favouritism, "He's failed once, had good clean opportunities and fails continually! Why on earth would things change now."

Meanwhile, the odds off a disturbed generation traumatised at the number of graphic deaths in a childrens novel have yet to be formulated. However pundits believe they'll be significantly shorter than the odds of children converting to wica or satanism due to the overt use of magic as predicated by the Catholic church.

Harry Potter is distraught at the rumours of his depression and possible suicide, "Look I know I've been getting broody recently, but hey my folks are dead, I've been given the cold shoulder by girls for years and everybody seems to think I'm some renegade maverick."

When confronted with his recent renegade behaviours and constant disrespect for the rules Potter appeared increasingly uncomfortable, "Stop it. I've had enough of this, I just wish I could make it all stop."

TAB has released new options for betting including how Potter will kill himself. 'Over-inflated belief about a moderate at best acting ability' is current favourite at 4-1 leading 'yelling out I love Katie Holmes on Oprah at 13-2'.

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Full strength beer is banned... for the plebs

Melbourne: Full strength beer will not be witnessing Shane Warne's historic 700th test wicket during the fourth ashes match at the MCG this year. Unless it can afford to be drunk by members.

Victoria'a police Superintendant Mick Williams supports the ban stating "Experience shows that if we cut back on full strength alcohol in public areas it makes a huge difference


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Holocaust denier in denial!

Austria:

No more than 24 hours after being released from prison, British holocause denier David Irving has called for further denial of historical enquiry


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Warnie chases 700th test wicket - "One for each child"

Melbourne: Midway through the Ashes series, legendary spin bowler and robot dancer, Shane Warne has decided to pull up stumps on first grade cricket.

As the bowler announced his retirement yesterday, teammates revealed that he had privately flagged the idea of leaving international cricket at the beginning of the series


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The New Face of Terror

This is an article on news.com.au entitled Farts spark emergency landing

"AN American Airlines flight has made an emergency landing after a passenger with severe gas problems struck matches to mask the odour of flatulence.
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