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Quote of the day: "102.1 Harmison to Ponting, no run, wide and Ponting has to stretch to reach it. "Harmison couldn't hit an elephant from 20 paces?" was Jeff Thomson's assessment earlier. Guess it depends on the size of the elephant." - baggygreen.com

Rumsfeld Rumminations

Washington DC: It's official, after the war in Afghanistan, the ongoing war in Iraq, the overseeing of Guantanamo Bay Jail and the horrific events at Aby Ghraib, it was merely a mid-term election that saw Donald Rumsfeld up and packing out of the whitehouse.

During his farewell press announcement, the multi-millionare Rumsfeld made no apologies for the violence in Iraq, after all, "Stuff happens... it's untidy, and freedom's untidy, and free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things (1)".

As Defence Secretary, many argue he wielded a level of influence close to Robert McNamara who served during the Vietnam War Years. Rumsfeld was quick to remind us that despite rumours of CIA inefficiency, the US information gathering was top notch, "We know where they are... they're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat (2)."


Along with the mantra of freedom, American independance was a strong underlying theme in Rumsfeld's speech. He especially took the time to remind the audience that America will not bow to outside pressures, "Now, you're thinking of Europe as Germany and France. I don't. I think that's old Europe (3)."

Chris Murphy
I feel the same way
Finally when asked how on earth Idol funny man Chris Murhpy was voted out in preference of pretty boy Dean Gyer, Rumself could only conclude with, "Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don't know we don't know. And if one looks throughout the history of our country and other free countries, it is the latter category that tend to be the difficult ones (4)."


We're just assuming that he doesn't know.


1 - Mr Rumsfeld 11 April,2003
2 - Mr Rumsfeld 30 March, 2003
3 - Mr Rumsfeld 22 January, 2003
4 - Mr Rumsfeld 12 February, 2002
Thankyou to news.com.au for finding the great Rumsfeld quotes!
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Melbourne Cup is the latest of Aussie produce to head overseas.

Melbourne: Nippon was the word on the town as the Japanese cleaned up the Melbourne Cup with a magnificent quinella.

Delta Blue and Pop Rock thrilled spectators with a neck and neck finish, but ultimately the result didn't matter. The Japanese were taking the cup overseas for the first time in four years.

Sumii was exalted with the result, however Dick Smith was livid.
Dick Smith Australian Food
"Not happy Jan"


Whilst restrained by police mediated.com.au was able to secure an exclusive interview.

"It's just not right, everything Aussie is going overseas. First Kylie Minogue, then vegemite, now the darn Melbourne cup. It's about time we put a stop to this and keep our produce in Australia."

With this DickSmith Enterprises is proud to announce its new glue manufacturing plant in St Kilda.
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Stem cell Bill looks set to pass - Begun the clone wars have!

Today witnessed the initial concscience vote on the future of stem cell research pass 34 to 31 in the Senate.

The Bill, by former health minister Kay Patterson, put forward the potential use of cloned embryo's with afflicted patients cells to find tailored cures. Debate was furious and politicians were divided evenly on the issue.

Yoda Lighting
I thought my ideas were fictitious!
Democrat Senator Andrew Murray was quoted supporting the bill, "The best idea ever, I don't think the rule of law will stop this activity." His clone, Andrew Murray Esquire was hasty to add, "I agree. There is no rule of law."




Only one politician remained undecided, Andrew Bartlett was asked to comment on his abstenance, "I don't know mate, there are 32 good opinions to consider here, the 31 members against and the 34 Andrew Murrays for. They have a convincing case when considered together."

Another Andrew Murray called a press announcement with the support of his comrads, "I do not fear that I will live to see centaurs, minotaurs or satyrs.*" To which an annonmous member of the press replied, "that's cause they're mythical creatures you idiot!" The member of the press was removed and hasn't been heard from.

Peer pressure is a large concern for the opposition as this bill is passed to the House of Legislation for further debate.

Peter Costello has been rumoured to be considering crossing the floor to vote against this legislation, "I've already had 11 years as treasurer, how many more will I have to put up with if Johhny gets a clone of his own?!"

239 is the estimate of these 7 reporters.

*This was a genuine quote from parliament folks.
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Howard goes banannas over... banannas

Northern Queensland: Australia looks set for another 'yellow' drought with inflated bananna prices over the Christmas period. The Australian Bananna Pickers Industy is no longer blaming Cyclone Larry, instead their gaze is aimed firmly at the federal government.

"The crisis point has yet to come, normally we have a good hundred refugees land in Cairns next week on the 'Shady Bob's luxury sinking dash to freedom boat', however Howard's stopped them getting into the country


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Saddam Hussein's Verdict is Out!

Judge Rauf Abdel Rahman took less than 5 minutes to hand down his verdict on ousted Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein.

The former leader dressed in his rented brown suit maintained his usual rage at proceedings, refusing to stand up for the verdict. Forced to his feet by offcamera military guards


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The Sacred Art of Flashing: Now from the comfort of home

This may sound a touch out of left wing, but I've always reserved a slightly soft spot for the humble flasher. Obviously I'm not referring to those who wait around schoolyards and require serious therapy. But instead I'm raising up the sporting streaker, or the nuddy political protester, those who perform their acts of public nudity in an adult forum and only require moderate therapy. These are the people I'd like to have a good chat with over a beer and pick their brain.

It's a shame that Australia, it appears, dissagrees vehremently with me. Bodies are shameful inventions, to be covered up or banned from sporting venues, unless advertising dove soap or Coke. As such, everytime someone decides to share their birthday suit with the SCG, the television companies pull out to a long shot and burly security guards can relive their former rugby union glory; set loose on the happless naked individual


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Juan Mann - One Mission - Free Hugs

The power of the media never fails to impress me. It was over 2 years ago when I first heard about Juan. He was the new mate of Bojan, a close friend of mine. Bojan's new mate had gotten him into walking around the city holding up signs with 'Free Hugs' printed on them. This sounded like a crazy idea, so I decided to go and check it out.
What I saw was nothing short of amazing. The majority of the time was exactly like what you'd expect, odd looks, parents sheltering kids, occasional abuse. However every so often, someones face would light up as they accepted something for free. A hug.

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What's the posting secret to success on Orble?

What's the secret to success on Orble?

Advertising


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Title: My name is Earl. My moustaches name is Mo.

I really look forward to Thursday evenings, for me its the Oscar night of television lineups. My name is Earl kicks off a great night of laughs, Family Guy never dissapoints, Australian Celebrity Survivor is laughable. All up its an entertaining Thursday night that sends me to bed happy and ready to deal with Friday.

Recently, I bought the season DVD of My Name Is Earl. Quite a tribute really . A larger tribute is that it only took me three days to watch the entire season. What ever shall I do without Earl


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I don't have the attention span to finish reading this...

Dr Phil is one of the few elite programs on television today that makes it on my list. Joining the good old doc are other luminaries such as Neighbours, Channel 9 News, Today Tonight and Teletubbies - truly rare programs that serve little other purpose but to unapologetically steal your time and kill braincells.

Yesterday, however, Phil decided to tackle something other than throwing free gifts and books at his audience. Yesterday, Dr Phil address the behemoth that is ADD. Attention Deficit Disorder. Apparently 12 million Americans are being diagnosed with ADD each year! 12 million hyperactive kids


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